Cullman getting LGBTQ+ family support group: ‘This is somewhere safe’

Lance Conn wants to bring in new resources for the growing population of Cullman, nestled between Birmingham and Huntsville and adding about 1,000 people a year.

So he is planning to launch what he believes is Cullman’s first chapter of PFLAG, a support group for families and friends of members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Cullman is one of the most conservative counties in Alabama. While President Donald Trump got about 65% of Alabama’s vote last year, he got nearly 90% of Cullman’s votes in the election. He even held a rally in Cullman in 2021.

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As a youth, Conn, a native of Cullman, never came out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. He was still teased for his sexuality.

“I am very cis-hetero presenting,” Conn said. “But you know, growing up, kids can always tease, and that always felt different to me, and always felt it’s difficult to reconcile that with the upbringing of southern hospitality and Christian support.”

He left Alabama to pursue the ministry. He became a Church of the Nazarene minister and worked in several churches across the South. During that time, he married his wife, Deborah, and had three daughters.

“As I worked in other ministry settings, I would meet more parents of LGBTQ people and just see the kind of hurt that they would continue to feel at church, the support that they would feel to find like a pastoral staff member who was supportive,” said Conn. “But then we all kind of felt stuck knowing that theologically or with our denomination, there’s just nowhere to go, and you see that playing out now with many denominations.”

PFLAG, which originally stood for “Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays,” officially changed its name to PFLAG in 2014. The organization said the change reflected an organization “that has evolved over time in order to remain responsive to members and reflective of its unique and critical role in the movement for LGBTQ+ equality.”

That’s exactly what Conn was looking for.

Conn left the church after 15 years, became a software engineer and returned to Cullman in 2022.

“I am now in a position where I’m not going to lose my job in the church if I speak out,” said Conn. “So I was able to go speak at city council meetings and kind of really lend my voice of support.”

He dove into the Cullman LGBTQ+ community when he attended the “Cullman Comes Out” concert celebrating Coming Out Day. It was the first Pride event in Cullman County. Conn was excited to see the support but he was wary of the backlash, which drew attacks on social media.

“I could really kind of immerse myself into that community and kind of see what they go through on a daily basis,” said Conn.

“Scrolling through social media, seeing the comments, the harsh things that are being said, hearing the organizers talk about what they’re doing to try and promote safety. Arriving at the event and seeing that there was a sniper tower in place that was armed to make sure that everybody was safe. Now, I didn’t see anybody there causing trouble, but there was a heavy police presence, which can be difficult for any kind of minority community to work through. You want to feel safe, but you also don’t want to feel heavily policed.”

Conn wanted to see more LGBTQ+ spaces in Cullman.

“We saw that community was really struggling to stay organized, the organizer actually has left the area,” said Conn. “And so we were trying to find a way to get the LGBTQ plus community organized in Cullman, something that was a little bit more stable, a little bit more long-lasting.”

He researched different LGBTQ+-focused organizations and decided on PFLAG, saying he liked the group’s monthly support meeting model.

“When I think of Cullman, I think of the parents who have kids who are coming out, who just may not have anywhere else to go,” he said. “They don’t necessarily feel like they can talk to their family about it, or their friends or their church. And so where can they go? And so that’s really the gap that I hope PFLAG Cullman can fit in this community, as a place for people to say, ‘Hey, this is somewhere safe that I can go, because I just need a group of people who understand what I’m going through.’”

Conn will serve as president of the group, with Cullman residents Sarah Foster and Samantha Rainwater as treasurer and secretary, respectively. They have been working with PFLAG National to create a model for Cullman. They connected PFLAG Cullman with rural chapters like PFLAGs in Rome, Georgia and Blairsville, Georgia rather than one of the eight other chapters in Alabama.

Conn is launching PFLAG Cullman with three tiers: support, education and advocacy. He is taking the launch one stage at a time. They are starting with the monthly support group, and wants to keep the structure of the meetings open-ended at first.

“I think a lot of that at the beginning is just going to be purely informational, like ‘I am a mom with a kid who’s gay,’ ‘I am myself. You know, I am trans, I am transitioning,’” he said. “We’re going to have all sorts of people who are just kind of ready to give the information, but maybe not be vulnerable, and that’s okay, and that also helps people learn more about each other and because they’re monthly meetings, there’s a lot of time in between. We have people who are trained to be facilitators in those moments, to help work through those conversations, to help work through any tensions that may come up.”

Conn said finding a location has been their biggest struggle. The launch event was originally supposed to be at the Cullman Electric Co-op’s community room. Conn said it was canceled because the Co-op considered PFLAG a political organization even though it is registered as a non-partisan 501(c)3 organization.

‘I found that, you know, discouraging, we’re trying to do our best to be positive and present a positive face,” said Conn. “So we moved on.”

Cullman Electric Co-Op Chief Executive Officer Tim Culpepper said in an interview that they do not allow any political advocacy organizations to meet in the community room.

“Unfortunately, many issues that were not previously considered political have become political and therefore it has become harder to define the line between political activities and non-political activities,” Culpepper wrote in a letter to Conn on Dec. 13. Culpepper wrote that a review of the PFLAG website mentioned its advocacy role. Culpepper said he would deny access to conservative groups as well.

“I respect your right to organize and to advocate for LGBTQ issues, however, the political nature of those stands would prohibit the use of our facilities,” the letter said. “I am sorry if this decision has caused any inconvenience or trouble for you or your organization.”

Conn wants to make sure that the meetings are safe for everyone. PFLAG National recommends chapters in conservative and rural areas keep the meeting place private. The PFLAG team will vet each person who signs up to join the group. Then, they will release the meeting location to individuals.

“I’m encouraged by the people that I don’t know who are signing up for this,” said Conn. “Every time I get a notification so-and-so filled this form out or so-and-so sent an email, it’s someone new. It’s someone I get to meet and get connected with other people in similar circumstances. It can be difficult here to find someone with similar values and similar experiences and that’s what I’m excited about, creating that community and seeing it blossom and it becoming self-sustaining.”

PFLAG Cullman officially begins on Saturday, Jan. 25 with a launch event at the North Alabama Agriplex at 1 p.m.