Olivia, 37
We are a near-perfect fit. It’s uncanny, and means sex always feels good, even if neither of us is doing much …
Max describes himself as “underconfident”, but in many ways he is the most confident man I have ever been with. I am a professional dominatrix, and many of my ex-boyfriends have had insecurities around that. But my job doesn’t seem to bother Max. He knows that what I do is more psychological than sexual. I think of myself as an entertainer, really. The work is more about getting inside the client’s head and toying with them that way.
I’m sure it helps that I’m constantly reassuring Max about the strength of my feelings for him. I grew up in a very demonstrative family so I give and receive a level of care in my romantic relationships that others might find unusual. I do not just speak one love language – I am fluent in them all, and I expect my partner to respond in kind.
Max and I have a daily foot-rubbing ritual, and he’ll send me a gift every few days if I’m travelling for work, visiting clients outside the UK. Max is a good-looking man, but it was his attentiveness that attracted me when we first met. He was not at all presumptuous, but at the same time absolutely focused on me.
At the beginning of our relationship 18 months ago, we went to a few sex clubs together. On the way there Max would seem excited, but as soon as we got inside the venue, he just wasn’t interested and quickly realised it wasn’t for him.
But while our sex life isn’t necessarily kinky, it’s always creative. I use words a lot in bed, and Max talks back to me, issuing instructions or telling me how much he’s enjoying it. He’s also very good at teasing me: he’ll touch me and then artfully pull back at the critical moment to create suspense.
When I’m in the UK, Max and I stay with his parents. Max rented out his flat over lockdown to save money, and now he lives in the family home.
His parents know what I do for work but we don’t talk about it; they are very polite. I feel comfortable with them. I keep the volume down when there. Living with his parents doesn’t change much between us.
Max, 39
You can get lazy about sex, but with Olivia I feel very eager to be on my game
Generally I’m not up for doing anything super kinky, but Olivia has encouraged me to explore a little more. I like to talk to her in bed, and for a while we had a dynamic where she called me “Daddy” and I called her “Baby Girl”. In her work, she is the dominant, but when we’re having sex I sometimes play that role. What I love about Olivia is that she doesn’t filter her feelings. If the sex was bad, I am certain she would tell me. I know she would never say she was enjoying something simply to make me feel good about myself, which makes sex more intuitive and carefree.
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I’m not hung up about Olivia’s profession because I know it’s just a job. If anything, it’s probably had a positive effect on my efforts to please her. You can get lazy about sex, but with Olivia I feel very eager to be on my game. She has extraordinary confidence, which is what makes her so good at her job. I’ve had self-esteem issues and body insecurities throughout my life, but in the time I’ve been with Olivia her boldness has rubbed off on me. I feel newly comfortable being naked. Often I’ll do something routine in front of her – like brush my teeth – and I won’t be wearing any clothes. That feels lovely.
When we’re having sex at my parents’ house I do tend to be a bit quieter. I don’t want my family to hear my sex! I’m very lucky in that I really like my parents, and living with them has been surprisingly great. But our chat is all quite surface level and polite. We are all terribly embarrassed English people and Olivia is not, which is one of the things that attracts me to her. A couple of times I have suggested not having sex because I’ve felt particularly worried about waking my parents up. Olivia just laughs at me when I say that, and then we end up having sex anyway.
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English (US)